Blessing in Disguise Read online

  They spent a week with him and said everything they needed to. Seeing him as he was, Isabelle doubted he would live until Christmas. It was wrenching when they said goodbye to him, and he made Theo promise that she would do good things for unfortunate people as soon as she was old enough to do so, and she said she would. She clung to her mother all the way back to the airport, and they both cried in the car. Putnam had held Isabelle for a long moment before she left him, and whispered to her, “I have always loved you, my beloved girl, and always will. Thank you for Theo.” She had to gulp back sobs as she walked to the car. And ten days after they got back to New York, Marcel called Isabelle. Putnam had died peacefully in his sleep, and he’d been happy ever since they’d been there. Marcel was crying when he called her. He had worked for Putnam for thirty-two years, and had been as much friend as valet and butler to the man he admired so much. He had always said Putnam was a man of honor.

  The hardest part was telling Theo, who cried great wracking sobs when her mother told her. Isabelle left the next day and flew to France alone for Putnam’s funeral. She thought it would be too upsetting for Theo, so she left her in New York. He had wanted to be buried in the small cemetery on the estate that had become not only his home but his entire world for the thirty-two years he’d lived there. Walking through the house without him was a painful journey.

  She met with his French banker and attorney who told her that because of Theo’s age, Putnam had said the house should be sold. It made no sense to maintain it until she was old enough to use it or live there. And keeping it for one month in the summer didn’t make financial sense.

  The proceeds of the sale were to go into Theo’s trust, but Putnam’s world as they had known it was about to disappear forever. And in some ways, although it saddened her greatly, Isabelle thought it might be better. It would be too painful to be there without him, and she thought that Put had made the right decision.

  There were only a handful of his employees and Isabelle at the funeral. At his request, there was no religious service, and he had left a letter for her, and one for Theo telling them how much he loved them and how much joy they had given him.

  And leaving Marcel was almost like leaving Put again. They clung to each other and sobbed at the airport, and she told him to stay in touch. She had never expected Putnam to die so young, but his lonely life had taken something from him, like a flower in winter. He lacked the warmth and sunshine he needed to truly flourish. And their brief visits hadn’t really been enough to sustain him. Marcel said that Put was sad without them for most of the year.

  She looked devastated when she got back to New York and had lunch with Declan the next day. He felt terrible for her, but he was glad he had met Putnam.

  “I don’t need to ask you how it was, I can see it.”

  “They’re selling the château,” she said bleakly. “Theo will inherit everything. She doesn’t understand what that means yet.” And in some ways Isabelle didn’t either, and she was genuinely shocked when his lawyers sent her a copy of the will. Putnam had left her a bequest which would allow her to buy a house of her own and start her own business. He had calculated it as generously as he did everything, and he had prefaced it by saying that Isabelle had never wanted anything from him, but he wanted her to be secure in her own home, and to help make her dream come true about her work.

  She called her father and told him about the bequest, with tears streaming down her cheeks. It was what he had wanted for her, but could never give her. He had never met Putnam but had come to respect him over the years, and now more than ever. He had always resented his not marrying Isabelle, but in the face of his gift to her, it was easier to forgive him.

  “He loved you, Isabelle. Of that I’m certain.”

  “I know, Dad,” she said and then hung up the phone, unable to believe that the man who had meant so much to her and always would had disappeared forever. Her life and Theo’s without him would never be the same again.

  Chapter Seven

  Isabelle stumbled through the days after Putnam’s death, trying to be a support to Theo. Declan came to have dinner with them, and played with Xela. She had no real understanding of what it meant that Putnam had died. As always, she was boisterous and demanding, constantly teasing and annoying Theo, but for once it was a good distraction.

  They went to Newport for Thanksgiving, and Isabelle invited Declan. He was in awe of the remarkable estate where they lived and she had grown up. They gave him a tour of the grounds and inside the house, and he treated it with reverence. He took long walks with Jeremy. He was glad that he had finally met him, and he realized that Isabelle was slowly opening up to him. They had known each other for just over a year by then. And two days after they left Newport, she got a call she had never expected. The stablemaster was on the line. He told her that her father had collapsed in the stable that morning and died instantly of a heart attack. He had been in good health, and there had been no warning. He said the paramedics had arrived quickly but had been unable to revive him.

  “I’m sorry, Isabelle. I guess he just ran out of time.” He was sixty-five years old, which was much too early to lose him. In two weeks she had lost the two men who were so important in her life. Putnam and her father. She was in shock when she sat down after the call. She had promised to come to Newport that night to make the arrangements, and Declan called her shortly after. She broke down in sobs when she told him, and hadn’t told the children yet.

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Can I come over?”

  “Yes.” The word was barely more than a croak and he was there five minutes later. She hadn’t left for work yet, nor he for the office.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” he asked about the trip to Newport. She didn’t want to lean on him unduly, but she needed him. She had no one to turn to. She was responsible now for everything in her life.

  “Would you mind terribly?” She looked innocent and broken.

  “Of course not.” Declan was a strong presence to lean on.

  She told the girls when Maeve brought them home from school, and they both cried. Death had visited them too often recently. She had told the gallery what had happened and that she’d be gone for a few days.

  That night she and Declan caught a flight to Boston. He rented a car at the airport, and they drove to Newport and let themselves into her father’s house on the grounds. The Vanderbilts had already sent a message of condolence and said they were devastated, after twenty-five years of loyal service.

  Declan never left her side while she made the arrangements. Unlike Putnam’s funeral, the church was crowded with her father’s friends and people he had worked with. It was the same church where she had married Collin, and she tried not to think about that. She had decided not to bring the children, it was just too sad. She and Declan arranged to have his body taken back to Boston, for burial next to her mother. It was a painful, mournful day, and Isabelle told Declan she couldn’t have gotten through it without him, and it was true. These had been the worst weeks of her entire life.

  She still had to come back and clean out his house, but the Vanderbilts had insisted there was no hurry, and Declan said he would come back with her.

  He took her home to New York and put her to bed that night, and he sat with her until she fell asleep, wishing there was more that he could do for her, but he knew there wasn’t. She just had to live through it and pick up the threads of her life again, but she had lost so much in such a short time.

  The next day, Saturday, when she woke up with the weight of the world on her chest, she could hardly breathe thinking about her father’s funeral the day before, and Putnam’s two weeks earlier. And thanks to him, she had other things to think of now. Putnam had given her the ability to buy a house and start her business as an art consultant. She wasn’t ready to do either yet, but she had that to look forward to. There were big changes ahead. All sh
e wanted to do now was get through Christmas with her girls. After the holidays she would look to the future, the future Putnam had given her.

  Christmas was a small, pitiful affair at her apartment with the girls. She didn’t even want to see Declan. On New Year’s Day, Declan came to see her, and she talked about the house and the business. He looked at her hesitantly then, as though there was something he wanted to say, but wasn’t sure if he should.

  “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about, although this probably isn’t the right time.” He paused, looking at her. She appeared to have no idea what was on his mind, and he felt awkward broaching it with her.

  “What is it?” Her eyes looked dead, with dark circles beneath them. She was having trouble sleeping.

  “Someday I want to marry you, whenever you think it’s the right time, if it ever is,” he said carefully.

  “Are you serious?” She looked shocked.

  “No, I’m kidding. Of course I’m serious. I want to take care of you, and be your husband, and have babies with you, if you’re willing.”

  She groaned at that. “I know you should have children of your own. But I’m not sure there’s enough of me to give to another child. The two I have are a handful. Theo is always closing in on herself and trying to shut out the world, like her father. And Xela is a time bomb waiting to explode. She’s always having a fit about something. How would I manage another one?”

  “With a husband who loves you and your children. You’ve brought both of them up alone. And with all due respect to Putnam, it takes more than money. I want to be here with you, to lighten the load for you, and share my life with you.”

  “That’s what Put said I needed when he told me I should marry you.” She smiled at him.

  “You never told me that.” Declan looked pleased to hear it. “I’m not trying to rush you, but I’m turning forty this year, and it might be nice to get married before that.” She was thirty-one, and Theo and Xela ten and almost five.

  “And you really want another child?”

  “It’s not a deal breaker. I’m sure in time I’ll come to love Theo and Xela like my own. It might just be nice to have one of ours, to kind of cement the deal.” He smiled and put his arms around her. “You don’t have to decide right now. You’ve just been through a tough couple of months.”

  “When would you want to get married?”

  “Yesterday…last week…I love being with you, and how peaceful and easy our life is together.”

  “I feel that way too. Do you want a big wedding?” she asked him, considering the whole question. It was a lot to think about, and her losses were still fresh.

  “No, just us and the kids. And Harvey maybe.”

  “I love the idea, Declan,” she said as she snuggled next to him. “Let’s do it soon. And we can look for a house together.” He was surprised by her answer, and jubilant.

  They told the children the next day, and both girls were happy about it. On a Saturday in January, they got married in a neighborhood church, with a few of their friends present, his law partner, Tom Kelly, and Bert Acker, the owner of the gallery where she worked. He didn’t know yet that she was leaving. They went to an Italian restaurant for lunch afterward, Isabelle felt as though her life had finally landed in the right place. She was home at last.

  Everything happened quickly after that. In February they found a beautiful house on East Seventy-Fourth Street between Fifth and Madison. It was in perfect condition, and she could afford it thanks to Putnam’s bequest. They moved into it in March, two days after they found out that she was pregnant. The baby was due in November, and Declan was wildly excited about it. Isabelle loved the idea now too. He was right. Their child would close the circle and they would be a family.

  She gave notice at the gallery in June, and planned to open her art consultancy after she had the baby and the holidays were over. She was going to start her business in January, and take some time off first to enjoy Declan and the baby. She hadn’t had a break in ten years, not since she’d graduated from college. They rented a house in Connecticut for the summer. It was going to be a big change from Normandy, but they were starting new traditions, and Declan said that one day he’d like to buy a country house too.

  They had a peaceful summer and came back to the city at the end of August to get the girls ready for school. Xela was starting kindergarten, and Declan asked Isabelle if she minded his spending the Labor Day weekend in New Hampshire with Tom Kelly, his law partner, and half a dozen men friends. They wanted to go fishing. She told him to go and have fun. He hadn’t left her side for a minute all summer. She was six months pregnant and had never felt better. Happiness agreed with her. Declan was everything she had hoped he would be. Their life together was idyllic, and she finally had what Putnam had wished for her, a safe harbor, with a good man at her side to take care of her.

  She and the girls bought school supplies that weekend, and new uniform shoes. They went to a movie and baked cookies on Sunday for Declan when he got home. The doorbell rang at six o’clock and she thought he might have forgotten his keys. She went to open it and found Tom Kelly standing in front of her in his fishing clothes. He had driven straight down from New Hampshire. She assumed Declan was parking the car as Tom stood staring at her.

  “Isabelle…” Something about the way he said it terrified her. And there was no way to tell her except exactly what had happened.

  “Harvey got swept away in the current and Declan went after him. He couldn’t get to him in time, Harvey went over the falls, and Declan after him. Neither of them survived it,” he said, reaching out to her. She looked as though she was about to faint in his arms.

  “That’s not possible,” she said, looking confused. “He couldn’t have…he was captain of the swim team in college.” She looked up at Tom with eyes that said he was robbing her of every dream she’d ever had. “It can’t be,” she said as he led her inside, sat her down in the kitchen, and gave her a glass of water.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said with tears on his cheeks. They’d gone to college and law school together and were best friends. “He went after the dog before anyone could stop him.”

  “Where are they?” she asked, looking blank and confused.

  “At the coroner’s office in New Hampshire, until you decide what you want to do.” She nodded and started to sob then as Tom held her, which was all he could do. They had been married for seven months, and their baby was due in three.

  Tom held her for what seemed like hours, and then Theo saw her mother, she knew, and took Xela to her room.

  It didn’t seem possible that something like this had happened. Everything about their life had been so perfect and so happy, and now Declan was gone too.

  * * *

  —

  In the days afterward, Isabelle went through all the motions that were so familiar to her now. They held the funeral in the church where they were married. His father had a heart condition and couldn’t come from Ireland, Declan’s mother didn’t want to leave him and didn’t think she could face it. His two brothers who were priests came and said the funeral mass. Isabelle had to pick a plot at the cemetery to bury him. Everything had an unreal quality to it, like a terrible movie, or a nightmare she was having and couldn’t wake up from.

  Her girls stood next to her in church at the funeral. Tom Kelly took them home. Declan’s brothers went back to Ireland after seeing New York for the first time. They’d both been in the seminary when their parents lived there. And then it was over, and Isabelle was alone again with her children.

  The girls started school, and Isabelle sat alone in the house every day, waiting for Declan to come home, as the baby grew in her belly. Maeve watched over her like a mother hen, and brought her Irish tea and things to eat, and Isabelle felt like a zombie for the next three months. She couldn’t manage living again withou
t him. She just couldn’t do it. She remembered what she’d said to him in the beginning about having shit judgment. And it turned out that she hadn’t had poor judgment at all. Just shit luck this time. The worst possible luck imaginable.

  She still looked dazed when she went into labor. The girls were in school, and Maeve took her to the hospital and stayed with her. She howled with grief more than pain when she felt the baby coming. She didn’t want to see it without him. How could she have this baby now with him gone? What cruel turn of fate had done this?

  The baby came even faster than her sisters, after a shorter, harder labor, and Isabelle didn’t care, she was in so much anguish without him that the physical pain of giving birth was almost a relief. And then after pushing for what seemed like hours, there was silence in the delivery room, and for a moment Isabelle thought she might have died, and that his baby had died too. It suddenly woke her up. They had told her it was a girl, and then she had heard nothing.

  “What happened?” she asked, craning to see. “How is she? Is she okay? Is something wrong? Is she breathing?” She hadn’t given a wail, or screamed like Xela. Instead the baby gave a gurgle that was almost like a giggle, and sounded like she was laughing. They rubbed her back and she cried a little, and gazed around the room as though she was delighted to see them. And just as Isabelle had hoped, she looked like Declan, and had his happy-go-lucky nature. They put the baby in her mother’s arms, and she looked up at her and cooed.

  “I’ve never seen a baby do that when she was born,” the doctor commented. “I think she was laughing at us. Does she have a name yet?” Isabelle nodded, she and Declan had picked it.

  “Oona.” She was the happiest baby they had ever seen, and she looked right at home in her new surroundings. Isabelle had a feeling that was how it always would be, just like Declan. “Welcome home, Oona,” Isabelle whispered as the baby crinkled up her eyes and looked like she was laughing at her. She was happy to be there. And a little piece of Declan had come back to Isabelle with Oona.