The Affair Read online

  “Now I don’t want to leave,” he said, and put an arm around her. They had become friends while she worked on it, but he had never gone beyond the line of friendship, and she didn’t want him to. She found him incredibly attractive to look at, but she wasn’t attracted to him. She wasn’t drawn to any man. She found that Nicolas had vaccinated her. She was content with her children and her work. She didn’t miss having a man in her life, knowing now how wrong it could all go, and how devastating it could be. She’d been too badly hurt to want a relationship for now.

  “I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate when I get back. Nadia, you made all my dreams come true. You created a real home for me. I can’t wait to get back.” Greg had told her he hadn’t dated anyone since he moved to Paris. He hadn’t had time. Now he had a real home. Even Nadia thought it needed a woman’s touch to soften the masculine strength of it. As they stood in his living room, admiring his Picasso, he turned to her and kissed her. She couldn’t tell him, but she felt nothing. She was still too broken inside to want anyone, and he sensed it immediately.

  “Too soon?” he asked her, and she shook her head.

  “No, maybe too late.” She wanted to feel more for him than she did, but she didn’t, and didn’t know if she ever would again. There was a piece of her missing now. She wasn’t heartbroken. She was empty, and she knew that Nicolas had taken the missing piece with him, and it had gotten lost somewhere. It was as though her heart had been so shattered, it had been removed.

  She and Greg sat down on the dove-gray velvet couch in his living room, and he pulled her close to him. It felt good sitting with him, she just didn’t know how much more of her there was to share with him. Her affection for him had been expressed in the home she had designed for him.

  “I love being with you,” she said softly, “I just don’t know how much I can connect with anyone right now. I think he broke something deep inside me.”

  “That’s how I felt after Sharon,” Greg said quietly. “The feelings come back. They’re just different.”

  “I liked myself better before,” she admitted to him. “I feel alive with my kids now, and my work. The rest of me is just dead, or gone, or buried somewhere. I can’t seem to find it, or turn the switch on.”

  “You will,” Greg said confidently. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve never met another woman like you, and I’m not going to lose you, Nadia. What you did with my home is an incredible gift.” He had paid for it, but he knew you couldn’t pay for the love and talent she had poured into it. She had given herself to him in all the little details she had thought of, the touches she had added that would give him so much pleasure for years. He wanted to share it with her. He knew with certainty that she was a woman who would never cheat on him as others had. She was a woman of honor to her very core.

  “Thank you for loving the house.” She smiled at him and nestled next to him as they sat there admiring it.

  “How could I not love it? You’re an extraordinary woman, and eminently lovable. I’m sorry he hurt you so badly. You’ll get over it one day.” And if she didn’t, she wasn’t sure she minded anymore. She was content. She felt fulfilled. She had her work and kids and friends. She was no longer in pain. Seeing the look on Greg’s face in his new home was enough for her. She didn’t need more than that for now, or even want it.

  They left the house together, hand in hand. He dropped her off at her place, and he was going to go back to his new house and spend the night. She had had the bed made up for him with new Porthault sheets in case he wanted to sleep there before he left for Texas. It was his kingdom now, his domain. Her job, she knew, was giving others the joy of a home they loved. She couldn’t think of anything better, or anything she loved doing more.

  She kissed him on the cheek before she got out of his car, and he didn’t try to kiss her again. He knew better. She slid out of his car with a wave and he watched her go inside. Then he drove back to the house she had turned into a magical place for him. Nadia was the magician, and his friend.

  * * *

  —

  After Nadia turned Greg’s new house over to him, she took four days off to be with her girls. Their Christmas Eve was warm and cozy. She was going to miss them for the week they’d be away with their father, but she was looking forward to seeing her sisters in New York. Athena was flying in with Joe, during a break in the show. There was no place like New York at Christmas, except maybe Paris, and she felt blessed to have both cities in her life. The girls loved New York at that time of year too. They had been there before, but their week of skiing in Val d’Isère was going to be fun for them, and Nadia kept everything light and happy and fun before they left. It was their first Christmas season without their father at home. She made Christmas Eve dinner for the three of them. She had turned down all the Christmas parties she’d been invited to. She didn’t feel ready to see their friends yet. The affair had just been too public, the fallout too enormous, and the baby was the final blow. She felt fine again, but not ready to face people who were still happily married or in couples and felt sorry for her. Their pity was more than she could bear. She could see it in their eyes when she ran into them, and she didn’t want to have to put on a show of how great things were. Things were good, and she was grateful for that, but not great yet. Greg was probably right. It would take time. But she wasn’t sure that time would change how she felt about him. He had become a good friend while they’d worked on his house, but in a funny way, he still seemed too American to her, too stripped clean of eccentricities and Gallic charm. There was something about French men that made her feel like a woman, or made her heart dance like Nicolas used to. If she ever fell in love, she wanted to feel like that again. Or maybe it was just too late and that part of her was dead. She wondered if she’d ever know.

  * * *

  —

  Nicolas arrived on time on Christmas morning to pick up the girls. She noticed that he was thinner, and pale, and she could tell that he’d been writing. He looked that way when he stayed home for days and weeks on end, writing and editing and rewriting. She wondered who read his manuscripts now. His editor probably.

  “Merry Christmas,” he said solemnly, and she smiled at him.

  “Merry Christmas,” she said, and hugged the girls tightly before they left. Laure turned back for one more hug, and then they ran to catch their flight to Chambery to get to Val d’Isère. Nadia was leaving for New York that afternoon. She had given Agnes and her other employees the week off and closed the office. They had worked like demons until all hours of the night for weeks, getting Greg’s house installed. They had earned the time off. Nothing would happen over the holidays anyway. Their clients were all busy, and new ones wouldn’t surface until mid-January.

  Nadia had a date in January to appear in front of a notaire, which was similar to an attorney with some powers like a judge, to confirm their divorce agreement, since it was being handled à l’amiable, on friendly terms. Because there was no dispute in their divorce, according to recent laws, they didn’t have to go to court and could deal with it in the notaire’s office. And after that, it would be final in roughly two months. It was a simple procedure as long as there was no disagreement about the terms. Nicolas had finally stopped saying he wanted to come back, which was a relief to her. Nicolas had understood at last that Nadia had no desire to resume their marriage and wouldn’t let that happen. Nicolas was crushed but didn’t try to argue with her. Sylvie and Laure were getting used to the idea, and so was she. She was going to be a divorced woman, which reeked of failure to her. Failure to keep her husband’s interest, to keep him out of someone else’s bed, to keep him from having a baby with a twenty-two-year-old girl. In some ways, Nadia blamed herself. He had done it, but she felt that she must have set the stage for it to happen, maybe by being too busy, working too hard, or assuming that he would love her forever no matter what. As it turned out, love was a fragile flow
er that didn’t live as long as one hoped. For some it did, but not for all. They hadn’t been among the lucky ones who made it until the end. She accepted it now. And out of respect for her, Nicolas had to accept it too.

  She left for the airport an hour after the girls. She checked her suitcases. She was bringing presents for everyone. They were going to spend a weekend at Venetia’s, and Nadia couldn’t wait to see how pregnant she was. She was having this baby at forty-two, which Nadia thought was heroic, and Olivia thought was insane. Athena was just happy it wasn’t her. Rose worried about her daughter’s health, and if childbirth at forty-two was dangerous, and kept warning Venetia of danger signs to look out for. Venetia had just had an amnio, and everything seemed fine. She said the greatest risk she had was that Ben would kill her if she got pregnant again. But she had wanted one more child so desperately that he had given in. It hadn’t been an accident. They had conceived it during their week at the château, which seemed a tender way to Nadia to end her own tenure there. A new life conceived at the home she was giving back to Nicolas, after they had been so happy there. But the château was part of his heritage and belonged to him. They had alternated there that summer, but once divorced, she no longer belonged at his family château. He would go there with the girls, and whatever woman was in his life. But Nadia’s days there were over. She accepted it, and didn’t allow herself to look back at the past. She had to look forward now, and was determined to have a good life without him.

  * * *

  —

  The flight to New York was easy and she slept most of the way. She had worked so many late nights that she was more tired than she realized, and felt refreshed when she got to New York after the long flight. She was staying at her mother’s apartment while in New York, and Rose was delighted to have her. After Nadia left, Rose was going to Palm Beach for a few days over New Year’s Eve to see friends. The magazine was essentially closed for the holidays, and she needed a rest too.

  They hit commuter traffic on the way into the city, and everywhere Nadia looked there were lights and Christmas decorations, Christmas trees in front yards, and lit-up Santa Clauses on top of houses. She loved the kitsch quality of it, and then the more elegant trees that decorated the city when she approached her mother’s address.

  Rose was waiting for her at home, and they went to Olivia’s for dinner that night. Harley looked tired and was in the middle of a trial that had just gone to the jury, so he was on call, waiting for the verdict. Olivia was thin and pale too. Nadia had forgotten about the frenetic pace and how ravaged by the winter months people were in New York. The intensity of it was electric. When Venetia and Ben arrived, they were full of life and healthy, and Venetia’s pregnancy already showed. She was wearing a bright red dress and looked terrific. She was blossoming and radiant, and she and Ben were both happy about the baby.

  Both sisters observed Nadia carefully to see how she was, and decided that she looked well. She told them about Greg’s house and showed them photos on her phone, and they were vastly impressed by how beautiful it was.

  “I know who he is,” Venetia commented. “Ben did a deal with him a few years ago. What about him as a prospective date? I think he’s from Texas, and rich as hell.” Nadia shook her head.

  “I know. He’s a terrific guy, and we’re friends. He’s just not exciting. Something’s missing.” He wasn’t Nicolas, but she didn’t dare say it, given how that had ended. “I’m not ready to date.”

  “Please don’t tell me you’re waiting for another French cheater to show up,” Olivia said in her usual blunt way.

  “Maybe so,” Nadia admitted. “Maybe American men are too wholesome for me.” She was still trying to figure out what was missing for her with Greg, and hadn’t yet.

  They spent a warm, cozy evening together, and Will joined them for dinner. He chatted with his uncle Ben and his grandmother, and then left the table before dessert to read in his room.

  The evening ended at midnight, and Nadia went home with her mother. The three sisters were having lunch with their mother the next day. Rose was treating them to lunch at La Grenouille and Athena was arriving from L.A. that afternoon. After that they were going to Venetia and Ben’s home in Southampton. Rose was joining them for the weekend, before going to Palm Beach for New Year’s. It was going to be a family-filled week, which is what they all wanted. They never tired of each other. At breakfast the next day, Rose looked at Nadia, and spoke quietly over her morning tea.

  “Are you all right? Is everything okay in Paris?”

  “I’m fine,” she said softly.

  “Have you seen much of Nicolas?”

  “Not really. He’s writing a new book, and he picks up the girls downstairs and takes them to his place or out to dinner. We’re perfectly friendly when we meet.” But something in her eyes told her mother that she was not healed yet after everything that had happened. It worried her.

  “Does he see the baby?”

  “I honestly don’t know. Pascale left him in Brittany with her mother, so Nicolas must not see him often. I don’t know if he goes to Brittany to visit. Maybe he will when he’s older.” She didn’t need to think about it and tried not to. It wasn’t her problem. It was his.

  The girls had fun at the luxurious lunch with their mother, and with Athena the night she arrived and the following day, and then they all left for the Hamptons. Nadia was happy to see that her mother was well and looked terrific. Age never seemed to touch her, and she never slowed down. It made Nadia think that she might be fine without a man too. But her mother was thirty years older, and had been widowed at sixty-two. She hadn’t given up on men at thirty-six, so Nadia realized she might be premature in planning a life of celibacy, which Venetia pointed out to her when they all went for a walk on the beach. Nadia loved the Hamptons in winter. There was a rugged beauty to it that suited her mood.

  Two days later, Rose left for Palm Beach, the others were planning to spend New Year’s Eve together except Olivia and Harley, who went back to the city for a New Year’s Eve party with friends. The others stayed in the Hamptons and saw the New Year in together with a delicious dinner cooked by Joe and Athena, and excellent French champagne. It was Nadia’s last night with them. She had to fly back to Paris on New Year’s Day, which would land her in Paris late that night so Nicolas could return the girls to her the next morning. She was letting him have them on New Year’s Day. Athena and Joe were staying longer. She was going to tape one show in New York with a famous chef before they went back to L.A.

  Nadia was having breakfast with Venetia and Athena in the kitchen on New Year’s Day, before she had to dress for her flight. Olivia called Venetia on her cellphone, and Venetia looked shocked at whatever Olivia had said. She asked a series of rapid-fire questions, and it sounded to the other two as though Will had run away, judging by Venetia’s questions: “When did he leave?…Did you see him go?…Do you know where he went?…” She promised to call Olivia back later, ended the call, and stared at both her sisters in disbelief.

  “Olivia had too much to drink last night, and she said that what she told us on the Fourth of July has been weighing on her ever since. She told Harley about Will last night. He locked himself in his study and wouldn’t talk to her afterwards. He was gone when she got up this morning. He didn’t leave a note. She doesn’t know where he went. He left her, and he told her last night he would never forgive her for lying to him about something so important, and for cheating on him….” Venetia looked panicked for her sister, and the other two stared at her, too shocked to speak for a minute.

  “Oh my God,” was all Athena could say, as Nadia glanced at her watch.

  “Oh shit…I have to dress for my flight. What is she going to do? And what did she tell Will this morning?”

  “I have no idea. She’s panicked. She thinks Harley’s going to divorce her.”

  “He might,” Athena sai
d solemnly, “he’s a pretty rigid guy. I’m not sure he can recover from a blow like this. A lot of men wouldn’t.” She couldn’t imagine him swallowing it. The others didn’t disagree with her, and they sat staring at each other, then Nadia rushed up the stairs to dress. She hated to leave them in a crisis, but she had to get back to Paris for the girls. She knew that Nicolas was leaving for London the next day to see his publisher there. All Nadia could hope as she dressed in haste was that Harley had somehow made his peace with Olivia’s confession and would come back, and forgive her. If not, Olivia would be getting divorced too. She thought it was a terrible mistake to have told him. They had warned her not to. And now there was no telling what would happen. Nadia felt sorry for both of them, Harley and Olivia. She could only imagine how Harley must feel. What a god-awful mess. She felt terrible about it, but she had to leave.

  She called Olivia from the car on the way to the airport, but it went to voicemail. Will was out with friends by then. Olivia was lying on her bed, after crying for hours, convinced that Harley would never forgive her. And knowing how stern and uncompromising he could be, and how moral he was, all of her sisters were afraid she might be right.

  Chapter 12

  Nadia tried Olivia again when she got to the airport, and that time, she picked up. Olivia was crying when she answered.

  “I was so stupid, Naddie, I shouldn’t have told him. But it’s been driving me crazy. After I told you all last summer, I realized that our marriage has been a lie, and he had a right to know. You don’t know how moral he is. He thinks cheating is as bad as murder. He doesn’t talk about it, but he’s a very religious person. He told me he would never feel the same way about me again. He wouldn’t even talk to me after that. I’ve been calling him all morning and he’s not picking up. I don’t think he’ll ever speak to me again. We’ve been married for fifteen years,” she sobbed. “I love him so much. I’ll die without him.”